Helping A Friend Through A Miscarriage

When you have a friend that has had a miscarriage there is a lot you can do to help her. Many times we are afraid to say anything because we dont want to say the wrong thing but not saying anything at all can be just as bad. So what should you say and what shouldnt you say. I have had three miscarriages myself and have heard a lot of things that were just not the right things to say. I have put together a list of things you can say and things you probably shouldnt. Please be gentle with your friends that are coping with miscarriage. They need your support. Things you should say.

Do call her and tell her you are sorry for her loss. Do send her a card or flowers to show you care Do let her talk as much as she needs to or wants to. Do give her a hug to let her know you care. Do offer to help with housework, babysitting or other things that she may not feel up to doing. Do acknowledge her baby. It is okay to say I dont know what to say or I dont know how to help. Do call and check up on her. The pain does not go away in a couple days. Give her extra attention. She needs to feel like other people care about what she is going through. Do ask if she wants to talk about it.

Things you should not say.

It was probably for the best. At least it happened early in the pregnancy before you really got attached. It was Gods will I understand how you feel. Even if you have had more than one miscarriage, you may not know how she is feeling. It was only one miscarriage. I know a friend that had such and such miscarriages and she has children now. It was natures way of getting rid of defective chromosomes. At least you have one child I dont understand why you are so upset. Maybe you should consider adoption, not having children. Dont not talk about it. Dont avoid her. Dont try to cheer her up. She probably doesnt want to be cheered up and by doing this you are not acknowledging her pain.

It may be difficult for her to be around children or pregnant women. Be understanding and sympathetic. But dont avoid being around her if you are pregnant or have children. Do share your experience but this is not the time to go on about how bad things were for you. She needs your support. If she does get pregnant again, dont dismiss her anxiety by saying things like lots of women have spotting, cramping, etc. Be optimistic but acknowledge her fears.