I'm Finally A Baby

A True Story Sort of

I must have sat in the pre birth station for a long time. It was massive. As far as you could see, there was nothing but seats with little TV screens. Each seat had a child in wating. One of the other kids said it looked like a big train station. Whatever that meant. I havent the foggiest idea what a train is.

Like all the other children, I just sat there, forever it seems, watching my new parents on my screen. Well, I hoped they would be my new parents. They were a beautiful couple. I watched them grow up, go to school and get married. I listened in as they talked about having children. ME!

But as time passed, nothing happened.

Some of the supervisors came by and asked if I wanted to be reassigned to a different couple. But I loved my mom and dad. So I sat there watching the screen, praying for something to happen.

Then one day my parents decided to go visit a Baby Doctor. He tested both mom and dad. He then guaranteed that for $ per month he would get them a baby.

Things were looking up.

So mom took the medications for month after month. She used little glass sticks to tell her when she was hot. Then she and dad kissed a lot.

But, still, nothing happened.

So they went to another doctor and he said that for $ a month he would get her pregnant.

Three more doctors couldnt do anything. The last one said something about Poly Cystic Ovaries. Whatever that means.

Mom cried a lot after that.

My grandmother worked for someone that did business with a man who made people healthier by working on their homes. Didnt use pills or shots. He didnt even touch people. Just touched their homes.

So they called him.

He told them how certain things in the home interfered with moms body. They talked about cleaning products, and wall paper, and sofas. He said the body cant work right if the body is polluted by stuff in the house.

He kept using the term Environmental Estrogens. He said these estrogens interfered with the estrogens that were in her body already. I didnt understand. Mom did.

He found out that their biggest environmental estrogen came from mold in their basement. Some kind of water leak, he said.

He told them, If you cant drink it, dont spray it. That was the Rule of Thumb when buying cleaning products or having someone work with your homes environment.

So they changed their cleaning products, did things all natural, and cleaned out the mold in their home. They got all the doctors medicines and chemicals out of moms body. The people who cleaned out the mold were willing to drink their mold removal material in front of my parents. They said it tasted horrible but was perfectly safe.

They told my parents that most mold removing things did more damage to the body than the mold.

Well, two months later, the supervisor came by my seat and said get ready.

It was TIME!

My name is Heather. The doctors say Im perfectly healthy.

I still remember that phrase, If you cant drink it, dont spray it.

Happy Birthday!

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